Every sovereign nation and state has their own list of official stuff, so we thought we would assemble a listing as well.

New Official Stuff:

Television Show: The Sopranos

Other television show: House

Experimental Musical Theatre and/or Opera: IHOS Opera

Official, Official Stuff:

Motto: "Power to the People"
Pithy Saying: "I'm Getting Nervous"
Color: Blood Moon Red
Anthem: "Flashlight" by Parliament
Mascot: Hortense, the Three-Horned Lizard

Record Label: Rhino..Home of the Funk

Official Animal and Plant Stuff:

Mammal: Rabid Beaver
Cat: Long-Haired, Muted Calico
Bird: Vulture

Rabbit: Thumper

Poultry: Flag-shrouded Chicken
Fish: Piranha
Insect: Scurrying Black Bug
Tree: Dead Japanese Maple Stick
Flower: Big White Honkin' Thing
Plant: Venus Fly Trap
Weed: Tree-Like Thing

Official People You Go To When You Need Stuff

Dentist: Dave "Carpe Dentum" Polhemus
Doctor: Donna "This Won't Hurt At All" Tuccaro
Attorney: Mike "I AM The Law" Phillips
Vinyl Siding: Jeff "I Got Windows" Monsein
Awnings: Jason "Where's My Three Iron" Leonard
Advertising Agency: Art "Wanna Buy An Ad?" Sperry
Stained Glass: Jess "Don't Lean On That" Henderson
Real Estate: Rebecca "You Want It? I'll Get It" McAndrew
Restaurant Supplies: Tom "That's a Magnificant Oven" Slick
Home Theater Systems: Gary "Go Ahead...Turn It Up" Hughes
Eye Care: Frank "Nice Pupils" Lowry
Insurance: Terry "High Rsk" Nobles

 

Official Food and Liquid Stuff:

Raw Meat: Rib Eye Steaks
Processed Meat (Meal): Ball Park All Beef Hot Dogs
Processed Meat (Snack): Armour Vienna Sausages
Drink: Hawaiin Punch Fruit Juicy Red
Snack: Roasted Peanuts in the Shell
Cookie: Peanut Butter with Hershey Kisses
Bread: Arnold Brand Hot Dog and Hamburger Buns
Condiment: Hunt's Ketchup in the 40 Ounce Squeezable Bottle
Dressing: Kraft Ranch Style

Official Retail Outlets:

Grocery Store: Harris-Teeter
Hardware Store: Lowes
Convenience Store: Kangaroo
Restaurant: Two Guys Italian
Pizza Place: Schiano's
Family Restaurant: Ryan's Steak House
Fast Food Restaurant: Bojangles
Hamburgers: Fuddruckers

 

Official Things We Don't Really Like to Think About:

Scourge: Mosquitoes
Pestilence: Slugs
Disease: Anthrax
Unidentified Creature: Screeching, Flying Thing
Insect Demise: Japanese Beetle Getting Hung in the Halogen Lamps
Stench: Carp

Official Things Used to Eliminate Things We Don't Really Like to Think About:

Spider Catcher: Mountain Dew Professional Spider Catcher Bottle, Model 66-A
Pesticide: Orthonex
General Slaughtering Solution: Easy-Off Oven Spray
Assault Helicopter: Apache

Official Miscellaneous Things:

Grill: Kenmore Grillmaster, Model 2000
Flammable Gas: Propane
Garden Implement: The Claw
Garden Implement We Wish We Had: Agri-Fab Tow Roller, Model 45-0179
Heavy Machinery We Wish We Had: Scat Trak Front End Loader, Model 1700
Outdoor Speaker: Creative Acoustics Custom Tree Thumpers
Talk Radio Host: Rush Limbaugh

Official Sports Designations:

Professional Football: Carolina Panthers
College Football: Alabama Crimson Tide

• To all those coming in from LSU...I'm just an old Joe Nameth fan, plus I have a cousin who, like an idiot, attended Auburn.

Arena Football: Tampa Bay Storm
Professional Baseball: New York Mets
Extreme BMX Maniac: Dave Mirra
Fart: Triple Bleet Quad-Tone